Tall Drink of Nerd: Mental Millionaire

 In *Archives, Amy Robinson

The less money I have, the more I fantasize about what I would do if I won the lottery. Because I’m financially challenged right now, I’m currently avoiding situations where I have to spend money.  So I’m at home, working, writing and yes, getting sucked into cheap cable shows like “How the Lottery Changed My Life”.  Hello lottery fantasy fuel!  It’s like gambling porn!

Surprisingly, the ratio of people improved by the big cash is high, according to this show. Yes, buying a lottery ticket means paying the Idiot Tax, but seriously, I absolutely know that I am destined to be a lottery success story.  Here is what I’d do, just so you can hold me to it when it happens:

1. Charity – Yup, for real. Winning the lottery always enters my mind when I am on my way home from volunteering at the animal shelter.  I know, I know, people say “Oh I’d give money to charity” all the time, but I have the recipient and ideas on what I’d like that money used for already.  Plus, there is that whole tax deduction thing that charity helps with.

2. A Jet – It’s a good investment, I could rent it out to corporations when I wasn’t using it, donate time on it to charities and fly directly into my home-town to visit my Mom whenever I felt like it.

3. Trip around the world – Being broke/poor I’ve never been anywhere.  After I win the lottery, you’ll be getting postcards, from me and the hubs, from everywhere.  The Jet will come in handy here too.

4. Family – Yeah, you guys would get some of it.  The amount depends on how much you love me and how good your story is.  Seen (my husband) will be the impartial judge.  I’ll bring you a check on my new jet.

5. Property – Not a huge house, just someplace comfortable where Seen and the kitties are happy.

6. Humanity – There used to be an article, in the Parade magazine, by a millionaire type guy.  People would write to him with their financial woes and he would either give them dough or tell them it was obvious they could fix their problems themselves.  I’d hire somebody to be that guy for me, because man, I’d be crying and handing out Benjamins to everybody who didn’t look like a meth-head.

What else? Throw a party? Start a literary journal? Buy some cute boots?  After that, my mind doesn’t have any other want.  I can’t seem to comprehend how to live without worrying about the cost of things.  I guess it would be about comfort and a live-in masseuse.

I know that I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.  If I were, the lottery would not exist.  What would you do with  $8 million ($5.2 mill after taxes)?  I’m looking forward to getting some new ideas of what to do WHEN I win.

featured image credit: Robert S. Donovan

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Showing 19 comments
  • Seenrobinson

    Nobody’s gettin’ nottin’. I’m keepin’ it all to myself! Suck it!
    Ok, maybe I’ll give out a little (for my driver, and my chef, and my masseuse, and my personal assistant, but that’s it).

  • Seenrobinson

    Nobody’s gettin’ nottin’. I’m keepin’ it all to myself! Suck it!
    Ok, maybe I’ll give out a little (for my driver, and my chef, and my masseuse, and my personal assistant, but that’s it).

    • Seenrobinson

      HaHa!

    • Amy Robinson

      Your people and my people will work out a nice allowance for your people.

  • Ernessa T. Carter

    I’m too practical to buy lottery tickets. Also, FAUST scared the bejeezus out of me when I was in college and left me w/ a lifelong distrust of easy money, to the point that I think it’s cursed. So if I was given a lottery ticket for Christmas, and I won. I’d make the money work by funding various orgs and projects that do great things for society in general. I would be too scared to keep much of it for myself and I definitely wouldn’t give it to any family members. Though, I’m aware that I’d gain a reputation for being “eccentric” when I explained to everyone asking for loans or handouts that I didn’t want to give them cursed money.

    • Amy Robinson

      Since I’m not family, let me be the first to offer to take that horrible easy money off your hands when you win. I promise to usher in an era of world peace and global harmony…and buy a jet.

  • Ernessa T. Carter

    I’m too practical to buy lottery tickets. Also, FAUST scared the bejeezus out of me when I was in college and left me w/ a lifelong distrust of easy money, to the point that I think it’s cursed. So if I was given a lottery ticket for Christmas, and I won. I’d make the money work by funding various orgs and projects that do great things for society in general. I would be too scared to keep much of it for myself and I definitely wouldn’t give it to any family members. Though, I’m aware that I’d gain a reputation for being “eccentric” when I explained to everyone asking for loans or handouts that I didn’t want to give them cursed money.

    • Amy Robinson

      Since I’m not family, let me be the first to offer to take that horrible easy money off your hands when you win. I promise to usher in an era of world peace and global harmony…and buy a jet.

  • keldoo

    I seriously buy lottery tickets so I can achieve your number 1 goal. No kidding. My local humane society is comprised of a series of trailers and pieced together buildings that need some serious love and a big wad of cash. If I could win, I would give them money and a plan as well as my time.

    • Amy Robinson

      Aside from spiffing up the Humane society, how quickly would you have a puppy rescue ranch? I know we’d seriously have a cat ranch in like 10 minutes.

      • Ernessa T. Carter

        My Aunt-in-Law actually has a rescue ranch. Her daughters started it on her land, and apparently it’s very rewarding for all involved.

  • keldoo

    I seriously buy lottery tickets so I can achieve your number 1 goal. No kidding. My local humane society is comprised of a series of trailers and pieced together buildings that need some serious love and a big wad of cash. If I could win, I would give them money and a plan as well as my time.

    • Amy Robinson

      Aside from spiffing up the Humane society, how quickly would you have a puppy rescue ranch? I know we’d seriously have a cat ranch in like 10 minutes.

      • keldoo

        For real! I am having those ‘if money were no object” moments a lot lately. Rescuing animals is at the top of the list followed by opening my own bar/restaurant. I could never be a lazy millionaire, that’s for sure. Come on, universe. Payout time! ; )

      • Ernessa T. Carter

        My Aunt-in-Law actually has a rescue ranch. Her daughters started it on her land, and apparently it’s very rewarding for all involved.

  • PSR

    Hmmmm . . . I’d start with paying off my $100,000 in school loan debt. Then I’d move on to my $300,000 of mortgage debt. Then I’d throw a couple hundred thousand at the crack-house-of-a-shell that I live in, renovating from paycheck to paycheck. I haven’t had a kitchen for almost a year, which is getting old. And then Common Good City Farm would get some ducats. And my folks would get whatever they wanted . . . or whatever I wanted them to have because they’d say “oh no, we don’t need anything” . . . even though they’re broke like me. I’d best invest what’s left.

  • kim

    All you need is a dollar and a dream! (new yorkers will get the reference).

    I decided that if I won I wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Just because you are suddenly rich doesn’t mean other people around you are rich…which might be their expectation especially if they are irresponsible. I would rather be able to be like a fairy godmother (this includes charities-don’t call me. I’ll call you). Sometimes they might magically get hooked up because there have been times I wish I had a fairy godmother! Secondly, I would pay off all my damn student loans which it is going to currently take me till I am like retired to pay off. Other than that I would probably travel, go back to school (would be so nice to be like ah, you want that payment in cash or check?), and just put away the rest in Swiss bank accounts. Since they clearly know how to hold on to some cash.

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