Tall Drink of Nerd: Candy Ass

 In *Archives, Amy Robinson

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A blogumn by Amy Robinson

Sugar and I have a deeply unhealthy relationship.  I love it but have tried to kick it out of my life many, many times.  For a few months last year, while working from home, I was successful.  No more sugar, wheat or dairy in my diet.  I was happier, smarter, had glowing skin, luxurious hair and I swear I smelled like peaches.  Then I went back to the office.

I tried to maintain my uber healthy lifestyle for the first few weeks of employment, but I wanted everyone to know how cool I am!  I’m low maintenance, really.  I’m not the girl who can’t get pizza with everyone because of wheat allergies.  I’ll go to lunch at the Chinese place and share the custard sticky buns or take a slice of your home-baked pie while exclaiming what a good cook you are.  Then it hit me, right in the middle of buying Girl Scout cookies from my bosses daughter, it hit me.  Food is overwhelmingly social.  All the cool kids in the office are in the sugar clique.  It’s more fun to join in the ice cream run and get a single dip cone of Peanut Butter Cup Swirl than it is to stay at your desk and finish the FY2008 Q1 analytics spreadsheet.  Staying behind is the equivalent of being a junior high kid in headgear.

It is possible to join the gang for lunch and get the healthiest thing on the menu, or order the thin-crust, no-cheese, veggie pizza when you’re all working late.  It’s possible to get a Green Machine on the Starbucks run.  But even then, being part of the inner sugar circle with the Blended Chai Vanilla Late seems much more fun, everybody is doing it.  I’m trying my darndest to deny my sugar addiction to Yummy Cupcakes or Jennifer’s Peanut Butter and Jelly cookies.  I’m downing the low-sodium V8’s to keep my candy ass from spreading itself out of the size of jeans sold at tween retailers.  But love is powerful, addiction is powerful, the clique is powerful.  Sugar is one powerful bitch.

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Image and Character Credit: Anna Moschini
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Showing 26 comments
  • Kelli

    This was fun to read while I eat my bowl full of candy corn. I am not even kidding.

  • Kelli

    This was fun to read while I eat my bowl full of candy corn. I am not even kidding.

  • Kelli

    This was fun to read while I eat my bowl full of candy corn. I am not even kidding.

  • Kelli

    This was fun to read while I eat my bowl full of candy corn. I am not even kidding.

  • Kelli

    This was fun to read while I eat my bowl full of candy corn. I am not even kidding.

  • I also read this while downing a box of mini Charleston Chews. And I don’t even like them…

  • I also read this while downing a box of mini Charleston Chews. And I don’t even like them…

  • I also read this while downing a box of mini Charleston Chews. And I don’t even like them…

  • I also read this while downing a box of mini Charleston Chews. And I don’t even like them…

  • I also read this while downing a box of mini Charleston Chews. And I don’t even like them…

  • Amy QOTWF

    Jennifer, our Sugar Clique leader, brought in banana bread with chocolate chips today. I had a slice that was about an inch thick.

  • Amy QOTWF

    Jennifer, our Sugar Clique leader, brought in banana bread with chocolate chips today. I had a slice that was about an inch thick.

  • Amy QOTWF

    Jennifer, our Sugar Clique leader, brought in banana bread with chocolate chips today. I had a slice that was about an inch thick.

  • Amy QOTWF

    Jennifer, our Sugar Clique leader, brought in banana bread with chocolate chips today. I had a slice that was about an inch thick.

  • Amy QOTWF

    Jennifer, our Sugar Clique leader, brought in banana bread with chocolate chips today. I had a slice that was about an inch thick.

  • Ernessa

    Hahaha, I’m reading your comments on this during a “cupcake break.”

  • Ernessa

    Hahaha, I’m reading your comments on this during a “cupcake break.”

  • Jeff Rogers

    My version of this is caffeine. I think about how the modern office can’t function without it. It’s the drug of the corporate culture, the puritan work ethic’s house elixir. It’s unthinkable that a modern office would not provide free drugs in the form of coffee–there would be a revolt. Of course, partly because of the so frequent pairing of sugar and caffeine, many of us still elect to actually pay for coffee on our way to work rather than taking the crappy free stuff at work–or in addition. But now and then I’m able to rationalize my work schedule just a bit and cut out the afternoon espresso; but before long I’m working a late night here and there, an early meeting, and Jason asks if I want to walk down to Coffee Bean for the afternoon espresso, and Jason’s cool and I want to be cool (and I crave that espresso), and I’m back on it. Doesn’t take much, really.

  • Jeff Rogers

    My version of this is caffeine. I think about how the modern office can’t function without it. It’s the drug of the corporate culture, the puritan work ethic’s house elixir. It’s unthinkable that a modern office would not provide free drugs in the form of coffee–there would be a revolt. Of course, partly because of the so frequent pairing of sugar and caffeine, many of us still elect to actually pay for coffee on our way to work rather than taking the crappy free stuff at work–or in addition. But now and then I’m able to rationalize my work schedule just a bit and cut out the afternoon espresso; but before long I’m working a late night here and there, an early meeting, and Jason asks if I want to walk down to Coffee Bean for the afternoon espresso, and Jason’s cool and I want to be cool (and I crave that espresso), and I’m back on it. Doesn’t take much, really.

  • Jeff Rogers

    My version of this is caffeine. I think about how the modern office can’t function without it. It’s the drug of the corporate culture, the puritan work ethic’s house elixir. It’s unthinkable that a modern office would not provide free drugs in the form of coffee–there would be a revolt. Of course, partly because of the so frequent pairing of sugar and caffeine, many of us still elect to actually pay for coffee on our way to work rather than taking the crappy free stuff at work–or in addition. But now and then I’m able to rationalize my work schedule just a bit and cut out the afternoon espresso; but before long I’m working a late night here and there, an early meeting, and Jason asks if I want to walk down to Coffee Bean for the afternoon espresso, and Jason’s cool and I want to be cool (and I crave that espresso), and I’m back on it. Doesn’t take much, really.

  • Jeff Rogers

    My version of this is caffeine. I think about how the modern office can’t function without it. It’s the drug of the corporate culture, the puritan work ethic’s house elixir. It’s unthinkable that a modern office would not provide free drugs in the form of coffee–there would be a revolt. Of course, partly because of the so frequent pairing of sugar and caffeine, many of us still elect to actually pay for coffee on our way to work rather than taking the crappy free stuff at work–or in addition. But now and then I’m able to rationalize my work schedule just a bit and cut out the afternoon espresso; but before long I’m working a late night here and there, an early meeting, and Jason asks if I want to walk down to Coffee Bean for the afternoon espresso, and Jason’s cool and I want to be cool (and I crave that espresso), and I’m back on it. Doesn’t take much, really.

  • Jeff Rogers

    My version of this is caffeine. I think about how the modern office can’t function without it. It’s the drug of the corporate culture, the puritan work ethic’s house elixir. It’s unthinkable that a modern office would not provide free drugs in the form of coffee–there would be a revolt. Of course, partly because of the so frequent pairing of sugar and caffeine, many of us still elect to actually pay for coffee on our way to work rather than taking the crappy free stuff at work–or in addition. But now and then I’m able to rationalize my work schedule just a bit and cut out the afternoon espresso; but before long I’m working a late night here and there, an early meeting, and Jason asks if I want to walk down to Coffee Bean for the afternoon espresso, and Jason’s cool and I want to be cool (and I crave that espresso), and I’m back on it. Doesn’t take much, really.

  • Ernessa

    Jeff, you are so right about coffee! Our new building doesn’t have a Starbucks, so no more afternoon works with co-workers to pick up a skinny latte. it’s funny how much of the office social scene revolves around food.

  • Ernessa

    Jeff, you are so right about coffee! Our new building doesn’t have a Starbucks, so no more afternoon works with co-workers to pick up a skinny latte. it’s funny how much of the office social scene revolves around food.

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