Conjuring Troubles

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Clap Clap. Clap Clap who? This is not a time for clap clap jokes.

We’re going to see The Conjuring today. I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this to myself. Seeing this movie is an especially bad idea for me for a few reasons.

I’m easily creeped out. Have you seen the movie Insidious? No? Good. It’s awful. It’s laughable, but the 5 months later, the “ghost in the corner” trick still messes with my sleep. And I KNOW it’s just a movie.

If you scare me, that fear sticks with me forever. Do you remember the movie It? That, too, was awful (Stephen King should stop turning to television to make movies because they ALWAYS turn out poorly, but that thought is best saved for another post). I read the book version of It when I was 15ish and to this day I am terrified of public restrooms – sometimes even my own bathroom. There are some nights when I don’t flush in the middle of the night, not because of water conservation, but because I don’t want the noise of the flush to hide my screams as the ghosts steal me from this plane of existence (yes…I am aware this is nutballs)

Because I have this wonderful, evil imagination treating my brain like a bouncy castle, I have a hard time sleeping in total darkness. The rationale is that I need to be able to see what’s comin’ at me. For this reason, I travel with a nightlight. I am a full-grown woman who is not ashamed to admit that I’m scared of the dark. (OK, I’m a little ashamed, but I still own that shame!)

Ruined toilets for me forever!

Yet, I love creepy horror movies (not gore porn). I love funny horror movies. I love ghosty TV shows, with the exception of Ghost Adventures, but that’s more because of the douche nozzles who star in it than the ghost stories. I love being creeped out by a well-written horror novel, though I haven’t seen one of those for a long time. And I do not know why I love all these things, because I’m such a gigantic wimp. Once, while home all alone, I watched three back to back eps of Ghost Hunters. I could NOT leave the couch until my husband walked in the door, even though I had a very pressing urge to pee.

So we’re going to The Conjuring at 4:30 this afternoon. Here are the two reasons that seem super logical in my brain that you are totally going to find completely ridiculous:

  1. If I go see this during the day, leaving the theatre while it’s still light out, I won’t be as freaked out. Then the creepiness will wear off by bedtime (uh huh…see bullet point two above to prove that bit o’ logic so wrong)
  2. I want to watch The Conjuring at the theatre, not on a DVD at home. Because if we watch a horror movie at home, the spirits in my house (which is not haunted) will pick up pointers from the movie on how to freak me out/kill me.

Look. The rational, adult part of me is fully aware how ridiculous these things sound, but this is not my rational brain working. It’s that damned, over-developed amigdala again. I look forward to sleeping again in August. I am so stupid.

Here’s the trailer, just for funsies:

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  • Aggie

    No post forever and then back to back frightfulness. A theme? You are much braver than me. I would watch the whole movie through my tightly closed hands.
    Also – You need a really good old goofy comedy – Young Frankenstein? or maybe just some really cute kitten videos.

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